Computer Humor

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off …

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work…

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,




JESUS SAVES!

From the mouths of children

A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' One bright little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. 'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, 'Did God throw him back down?'

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?' 'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

Anyone else have any stories of funny things that you have heard children say?

Life lessons

Here are some humorous, but with some truth to them, life lessons that I came across today.

Life’s lessons (and ages at which the person learned them)
-Lending money to friends and relatives causes them to get amnesia. (32)
-No situation is so bad that losing your temper won’t make it worse. (41)
-You shouldn’t leave your fork on the plate when you reheat food in the microwave. (13)
-When you’re too busy for friends, you’re too busy. (48)
-Life is like a 10-speed bicycle—most of us have gears we never use. (59)
-When parents say, “It doesn’t matter what we think—you are the one dating him,” they hate the guy. (24)
-Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them. (38)
-The more mistakes you make, the smarter you get. (13)
-If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today. (21)

I found some good nuggets of truth in there. I especially relate to the fact that you get smarter from the mistakes that you make. A lot of my learning has come by doing.

Do any of these life lessons relate to something that you have learned?